Vent time...

What is the definition of caring about someone? I'm pretty sure it does not mean that you lie to them, for weeks on end. It doesn't mean making them cry, and having it have NO effect you whatsoever. It doesn't mean that you go out and forget about the person. It doesn't mean that you all of a sudden want to apologize for hurting that person and say that it's killing you. I call B.freaking.S. You didn't care. Don't pretend you do. If you did, you wouldn't have lied. If you did, you would have stayed my friend and wouldn't have given up a best friend for someone like that. (No offense :]) Seriously Drew. Don't make me freaking laugh.

Great Grandma, I thought maybe I should help you out since you mentioned that you didn't ever know who I am talking about. Here's a little synopsis.

Tyler: The guy that I'm currently "writing on a mission." Him and I have been best friends for years, and he liked me for a very long time. He asked me to Junior prom first, which I said yes to. But then I started dating my ex, Nathan. Nathan wanted to go with me so I went back on my date with Tyler and went with Nathan. Tyler is currently in Uruguay for 2 years serving a mission for my church. He's been out for 14 months and still has 10 left to go. During this mission, I'm not allowed to talk to him on the phone, text him, or see him. It is strictly letter writing the whole entire time. I can't even email him. But, that's okay. I still go on dates and stuff, but I really want to date this kid when he returns in October 2010 :] If you'd like, you could think of him as my "boyfriend" I guess, but we aren't totally. Let's just say it's a complicated situation, but I feel as though I need to date him and see where it goes when he gets home so I write him weekly.

Nathan: As I said in the post above, Nathan is an "ex" of 9 months. We were never "official" but we were doing everything that a couple does. He came to school here at BYUI, and cheated on me. 3 times. Bad thing is, I found out from the girls. I met the girls somehow someway, and then they'd talk about Nathan. Then we'd find out that he was dating me, and getting.... with the other girls. He's now on a mission in Arizona, and we don't write much. I lost all respect for him.

Drew: A guy here at school that I met. Him and I became close friends, quickly. He is a Returned missionary. He went on a mission to Canada. He was my best friend and I thought I could tell him everything. He would say that he loved me and stuff until one night, he decided not to be friends with me because he magically got a girlfriend and had been lying to me for weeks. I don't handle lying very well, so we aren't friends anymore. He broke my trust. Stupid boy.

Jon: You met him. He's the one who owned the landscaping company and came to visit me in Colorado. When I broke up with him, he went crazy and depression set in. We've tried to be friends over and over, and it's just now getting to the point where he can handle talking to me. I'm trying to be his friend, but he's still super hurt.

As for girls that I would talk about in the blog posts:

Lindsey, Emily and Carolyn are my roommates here at school.
AnnCheri is my best friend of about 6 or 7 years.

I think that's all I talk about :]

Oh, and grandma, when I say the names Edward or Jacob it's that Twilight movie thing. :] Not actual guys.

I love you family. Can't wait to see you all again.

Guess what made my day?

I was sitting in my room when Carolyn and Lindsey slowly come through the door. They handed me a letter, and I thought it was a letter from one of the many missionaries I am writing to support through their mission or just to say hello. I took it, looked at it, and literally screamed bloody murder. I almost started crying. After last night, I needed that. The Lord is obviously making me well aware that getting rid of Drew is a good thing and I am obviously being blessed for obeying promptings that I have been given. The letter contained amazing things that I needed to hear. I was super happy, and it totally made my day! Yay right? Yes Yay! I ♥ that kid so much.

Blessings in Disguise

So, here's the thing. There was this boy here, Drew. He told me he loved me, he wanted to marry me. He was my best friend. We had so much fun together. Well, his Grandpa had a stroke today, and he needed me. I dropped everything I was doing, and went to comfort him. He held my hand today. He told me he loved me tonight. He was literally my best friend. He kept telling me that he was hanging out with his friends. And then tonight he told me he was going on a walk. 3 hours laters, he came on and said "Sorry, I took a walk, and then had to talk to my family for a while about my grandpa." Well, he was acting weird and I asked about it. He said, "Well, I really like this girl, and I want to date her. I don't want to break your heart." This was a total shock to me. 10 minutes prior, I had told my roommates that I didn't care if he got a girlfriend. But, I broke down. Like, I went out into my living room, AND BAWLED! THEN, I get on facebook to delete him from my friend, and he had ALREADY changed his status to "In a relationship." I FLIPPED. Like, nervous breakdown flipped. He had told me he was waiting for me. He wanted to kiss me. He held my hand today, and he LIED about where he was all the time. He lied. I think this is what upset me the most. I was so upset, and honestly, jealous.
My roommates came out and comforted me while I was shaking. They brought up a good point that calmed me down. Drew made some dumb decisions. He's an RM, but he wasn't where he needed to be. His maturity level was way lower then it should be. Plus, they said, that this could be confirmation that I made the right choice. It may have hurt me, but it opened my eyes. I just thought I'd say *insert very rude comment here* (there was a very rude comment there but i deleted it) But anyways, I'm hurt yes. I was surprisingly upset about it all. But, this has to be a blessing in disguise. I now have nothing standing in my way of waiting for Tyler. Keep an eye out for those blessings in disguise. Sometimes things may crush your heart, but that may be the Lord's way of FULLY and COMPLETELY showing you that you're doing the right things. This is really hard for me, i just lost my best friend, but you know what? I KNOW I'm better. I KNOW that I'm doing the right thing. I KNOW that my Heavenly Father answers prayers and wants us to be happy, but sometimes you have to go through pain to get that comfort and happiness. I may be down a "friend" but I am now free to continue my life. The Lord works in amazing ways.

Smart Alec Remark

I dunno I kinda feel bad about yelling at my dad today. I guess what my mom did ISN'T his fault. But then he said "You don't need to be hanging out with 23 year old guys." First off, he's 22. Secondly, Like I told him, He can give me an opinion, but it's not going to change my mind. I won't stop hanging out with people just because my dad is worried about stupid stuff that won't happen.

Anyways, here's what I have learned so far (the important stuff anyways):

1. When the town you are moving to is nicknamed the "Iceburg" you should probably heed that as a warning. Take cute warm clothes. Otherwise you'll be like me, begging your parents for more money so you can buy stuff that will keep you warm, and make you look cute at the exact same time.

2. Make sure you renew your license BEFORE you leave for college. It's a huge pain in the butt to try to get in done WHILE in college.

3. Live off campus. I mean seriously, I'm kinda not enjoying on campus life. and No, it has nothing to do with the rules. Put me in a dorm with Em and Carolyn, off campus, and it's on like Donkey Kong.

4. Never try to watch a movie that is stupid. Zoolander. You'll get really bored, really fast.

I died my hair today. It came out just the way I wanted, for once :] I guess my lil sis sent a girl to the hospital at one of her games. Atta girl ;] Okay okay, mean I know, but dang that girl has skill, and won't put up with someone taking a stab at her. She'll kick your asassination. I WANT TACO BELL. Oh jeez. I decided to follow this one group of boys at Provo that my friend knows. Their blog is hilarious, but they treat girls like crap. Oh well, it's very entertaining :] http://mormonbachelorpad.blogspot.com/

Well, Im off.

Night Fam.

Sorry that this one is late....

Last night I was in a really bad mood thanks to my parents feeling I wasn't smart enough to make my own decisions, and them still trying to make me feel like crap and run my life. I decided it's no longer going to work. I'm smart enough, and I know what I'm doing. :]

But anyways, I was laying in bed, really tired, and in a really bad mood when Carolyn comes in a whispers "How much homework do you have?" I said "Just a little bit. Why?" She then continued to whisper "Because I wanna go to the movies." I looked at the clock and it was 9:30 PM. But, we went anyways. We went and saw 500 days of summer. That was the wackiest movie ever. Jumped around everywhere, and I kinda liked it, although I wouldn't watch it again. It ended up being Me, Carolyn, Lindsey, Brock, and Drew. So much fun :]

Tonight Lindsey, Me and Drew are going to the Rodeo! Heck yes! AHHHHH!!!

Oh, I have to go get a new license. Mine expired on the 4th. :/ Lame right? Well, I gotta go.

Talk to you laterz.