Selflessness

Dictionary.com describes it as –adjective having little or no concern for oneself, esp. with regard to fame, position, money, etc.; unselfish. I've never thought too hard about the subject, nor have I actually taken into account if I'm actually selfish, or selfless. I'll fully put it on the table right now. There are many times where I am selfish. When I don't make dinner, or when I sit around and do homework all day long, which makes it look like I'm actually sitting on the computer for hours on end. But if you take a step back, you realize you have many selfless acts as well. Tonight, I realized that I've finally become someone I've wanted to be. I was able to take a step back (after calming down of course) and look at the whole picture. I was able to look ahead at what was better in the long run. Sure, I didn't WANT to let go of two friendships that I really cared about. But, taking my mom's advice into consideration as well, it was for the benefit of me, and them. It was too hard for them and here's a question. Why be friends, if you can't hang out or see each other? At that point, I was respecting my mom in not having any further contact then texting back and forth, and talking on the phone at times. REALITY: It's better for both parties to let go and walk away. The fact that a friendship between the two of them was in danger made me be the one to walk away, calmly. I'm going to go on with my life, get married, have a family. I wouldn't be in contact with them after that. But those two had been friends for a long time. I couldn't live with myself if I let that be destroyed. All I ask is one thing, be there for him. His dad is dying. Be there for him. Comfort him. Listen to him when he cries. Sit there and watch him be silent if that's what it takes for him to know you care. That's all I ask. I can't do that anymore, and someone needs to take my place.

Right at this moment, I'm sure they are thinking "Wow. What a terrible person. His dad is dying and you walked out on him." I did what's best in the long run for THEM. Not me. If I had my choice, I'd still be friends with them. And if they ever truly need me, I'll be there because that's who I am. But I can't be their Savior, and in reality, they're not good for me either. I came to the realization that I can't save everyone. I try not to be judgmental, but I think being judgmental and being realistic are two different things. Looking out for yourself, and the ones you care about, along with looking out for THEM sometimes takes a lot of thought, care, concern, and sometimes, it hurts.

Prayers are needed for one of these boys and his family. His dad has cancer and is dying. And, he just lost me as well. Keep him in your prayers. He's having a rough time and this could be the last week he ever sees his father.

I dunno if I can call this a rant. Or if it's simply a statement with a lot of thought that has been put into it. Whatever you want to call it, it's come to an end. For now.
-A

"Is the intention pure, selfless, and born out of love? Is it based on truth? Does it result in peace? If so, it is a right action." -Sri Sathya Sai Baba